I previously blogged about the myths surrounding me and my anxiety disorder.  If you missed it, you should definitely read it and I would encourage you to keep reading my blogs in the order in which I have them written.  The reason for this, is because this is my journey…these are things that I am learning for myself – and if you can relate to me at all, they may be things that you would also like to think about and/or experience.

When thinking of a mind trap, I think of falling into the belief that something has to be true because that’s the way it is and the way it always has been.  And I suppose that’s somewhat true.  Buying into falsehoods or myths definitely aren’t going to get me where I am hoping to end up.

So, while reading my book, I’ve learned of several ways that I can fall into this mind trap.

1. Fusing thoughts, images, places, memories…meaning, I can associate certain thoughts “as if” they are the same thing as the event or circumstance that they describe.  When you think of fusion, it may be something that’s hard to understand.  For me to completely understand I had to do an exercise where I would take an experience and then list the first five things that come to mind.  Since humans have such judgmental minds, I allow those five individual thoughts to become the very experience that I described.  This gives the thought more importance in my brain that it truly deserves…and if that thought is negative, the impact it has on me is tremendously detrimental.
2. Evaluating Experiences…by associating an experience with a thought or feeling and tagging it with a judgment .  I need to learn to take an experience and accept it for what it is – an experience.  Whether it’s bad or good, it’s still only an experience.  I tend to buy into and feed my negative judgments.  Often, this causes me more pain and increases my suffering.  It would be better in the long run if I let go of the judgments and left the experiences as unedited entities that have occurred.  Overthinking has always been a downfall of mine, though…and this one is going to be a tough habit to break.  My desire is to feed a more compassionate heart and to forgo feeding the Painful Wolf.
   
3. Avoiding Experiences…only provide me with temporary relief from the bad thoughts and feelings that I may associate with them.  That’s probably why I have done it for so long and continue to do it to this day.  This allows me to buy into the idea that my worries and anxieties are “bad”.  But, is that necessarily true?  I have a hard time believing it’s not.  But what I’ve been learning is that it’s only through experience that we learn who we do and do not want to become, or how we do or do not want to live.  I need these experiences to move towards the life that I so desperately want to live.  And through the negative experiences, I know what choices I want to make.  I was asked to read the story of the Emperor Moth in order to better understand the idea.

Am I ready to recognize the mind traps that have been baited and set before me?  I’m not sure.  I have acknowledged them, but it will probably take some time before I’m able to recognize them for what they are.  I know that I don’t want to stay stuck and feed into the struggle and negativity that I’ve been letting run my life for so long.

The following are the recommended exercises that I’ve been asked to learn in order to better observe my experiences.

1. Mind Watching-“Imagine your mind is a medium-sized room with two doors.  Thoughts come in through the front door and leave out the back door.  First, watch each thought as it enters.  Keep watching to see what it is going to do next.  Don’t do anything with it.  Your only task here is simply to watch that thought.  Don’t engage it or argue with it.  Don’t analyze it.  It’s just a brief visitor to the room.  And when it’s ready to leave, let it go out the back door and do not try to hold on to it.  If you find that you’re judging yourself for having the thought, that’s fine.  Acknowledge that, but don’t bother to argue with yourself.  The key is to keep watching and noticing, but to not become emotionally invested into the thoughts and/or beliefs. Continue this until you feel an emotional distance from your thoughts-to where they are just a moment in the room and nothing more-no longer important and no longer requiring action.”  This has become one of my favorite forms of meditation and mind exercising.
2. Mindful Walking-“When you walk you will notice that you do not have to think much about what your legs and body are doing.  They are seemingly on auto-pilot.  The goal here is to bring awareness to the experience.  So, as you walk, focus on your breathing and walk naturally as you bring your awareness to the rhythm of your steps and how your body feels as it moves.  If thoughts come, notice them and let them go, as you bring your attention back to just walking.  Feel your feet on the ground, your hips moving with each stride.  Note the sensations.  You should notice that you’re moving with your thoughts and feelings in tow, all going forward.  Silently repeat a mantra such as: I am whole, I am complete, I am in flow.  And when you’re finished walking, allow yourself a little bit of time to reflect upon your experience.”  This is something that I haven’t had much experience with, as I usually have some sort of company while walking.  But, this exercise would be great for someone who enjoys their own space or quiet time.
3. Riding Out the Storm
   

This is where I think it will become difficult for me.  It’s sometimes difficult to notice when I’m caught up in the trap.  And sometimes I feed the wrong wolves.  But, the costs are high for me this time and this is an important step for me to take in order to get out of the anxiety/depression traps and back into my life.