So, as you know by now, I was admitted into a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) at the local mental health facility.

I would describe my first day as being anxiety ridden and fearful.  I didn’t know what to expect and thought I was going to get nothing but static as I walked into the room.  They had computer issues that morning and were already late getting me over there, so everyone was there already when I arrived.

The day hospital is where my PHP takes place each day.  It’s nice because it’s in this little house away from the actual impatient hospital.  There are several offices inside, a full kitchenette, two bathrooms, a “Family Room” where our group sessions take place…and even a patio where we can step out for fresh air if need be.

As I walked through the door, I was asked to sign in on a sheet of paper that would log my time there in the facility.  I was then given a tour of the house.  And when I was told to find a place in the “Family Room”, I did so very slowly and hesitantly.  People were looking at me.  People of various ages, backgrounds and with different issues than mine (as far as I knew).  I was very quiet and kept to myself and felt like curling into a ball in my spot at the table.  Here and there, people would make small gestures of kindness…such as introducing themselves to me…but that uneasy feeling just didn’t want to leave me alone.

The first thing that happened was that I had to see my Nurse to have my vitals checked.  I have never met such a kind, inspiring person.  This Nurse is wonderful.  And I’m sure I’ll get more into her as my story develops.

That day, I was pulled in and out of the group room so many times….to see the doctor, to see the case worker, to talk to this/that person.  It was so chaotic.  I felt like I was missing out on every opportunity there was for me to gain anything from my situation.  But, there was one session that day I was able to take in completely.  And that happened to be the Nurse’s group on goal setting.

Here are the Guidelines for Goal Setting, as given by the Nurse.  The goals also had to be SMART.  If you’re anything like me, you’re completely thrown off when put in this position.  I had no idea what my goals should be be.  I was lost when she was going over the details of it all.  And to be honest, I felt quite overwhelmed.

Before I share with you what my personal goals were that day, I’ll give you a few notes that I took down in my journal as I listened to the Nurse speak.

• Goals should ALWAYS be positive
• one member of the group said this that resonated with me, “Goals make you live life intentionally.”
• Life is like the Sea, without a compass we will drift and fall into chaos.  Goals create that compass for our life, providing us with direction to keep us from drifting.
• Goals are NEVER to depend on anyone else.  And if someone else is involved in your goal, you MUST acquire their permission as the goal itself.
• Your goal should be something that you REALLY want and should always be positive.
• “Don’t ever put your hat where you can not reach it.”
• Don’t expect to build a house in one day, first you must lay the foundation (small goals), then you can start adding bricks, and eventually you will have a house (a larger goal).
• It is okay to be flexible with your goals, as long as you replace one goal with something positive that continues to work towards your larger goal.
• In everything you do, think about what the benefit is.  If it comes back no good, empty or blank — let it go, it’s not for you.

Since this was the only part of the group’s day that I was part of, I participated.  I know that my overall goal is to find happiness again and to lead a more meaningful and happier life.  I want to find my light again.  But, to think of minimal goals for the weekend was tough for me.  So I sat there with my pen and paper and made the goals to: clip my dog’s toe nails, read two chapters of my book, to complete a worksheet I had been given earlier that day and to not bring harm to myself (self-harm/cutting).

As I was listening to everyone else’s goals for the weekend, I realized how small mine were and how simple they seemed to be accomplished.  When I said something about it, muttering to myself how silly they sounded, the Nurse spoke up.  She said it takes baby steps to achieve the bigger steps…and that if those things needed to be done, they were still good goals to have.

Over the course of the weekend, I referred to my sheet.  And as each goal (no matter how small it may have been) was checked off, I felt a sense of accomplishment and like I had done something to be proud of.  It sounds silly, but I encourage you to try it..and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

I don’t have a copy of the worksheet that I was given available to me, but you can create your own.  Simply say that you will _____________________________________ using the SMART acronym provided to you.  And as you achieve each goal, mark how you feel.  It should be quite the rewarding experience!