It’s Christmas Eve and I’d like to wish anyone who reads my entries a Happy Holiday…just as a side note.
Pre-Blog Exercise: If you choose to do this exercise with me, don’t think of the Pink Elephant in the room.
I’ve been learning about mental illnesses and the different types of worries, anxieties and fears that people experience. Though, they are not exactly the same; they have so much in common. There’s some comfort found in being able to label your suffering. But, do you really want to be known for or as the label of your problem for the rest of your life? I know that I don’t.
So many things have been pounded into our heads about our disorders by the Media, Doctors, even our peers. You may have heard that anxiety is a disease like that of Cancer. Or you may have heard that it is hereditary. Some people even believe that herbal remedies and diet changes can even alter your disorder. There are so many things that we are told that it almost becomes something more in itself…a whole new level of anxiety, for dealing with our anxiety. How is that helpful? It isn’t.
Anxiety is Hereditary
Think about this one for a moment. Go ahead…
You may notice that your mother or siblings all struggle with some sort of anxiety problem. “It runs in my family” has probably popped into your head once or twice. And though on the outside, it appears to be true, this is in fact false.
If you say “it runs in my family”, take a minute to think about that statement. If your mother suffers from it and your siblings suffer from it, could it not also be true that from watching your mother’s behavior you have learned to react to certain situations in specific ways? It might even be that you have inherited the predisposition of anxious behavior, just like you inherit a predisposition to be athletic, extroverted or a fast learner. But, that isn’t the same thing as inheriting a disorder. Remember what you can and can’t control. And you can control your actions/reactions when you are feeling anxious.
Intense Anxiety is Not Normal
If you have an anxiety disorder, like I do, you know that at times it can be extremely intense. The fact that I couldn’t deal with it on my own, is part of the reason why I am seeking help for it now.
But does that mean that intense anxiety isn’t normal? No.
Think of moments of fear, like on a rollercoaster. Or maybe you have been through a natural disaster (such as a tornado). The feelings you get are very intense at the time, but they are temporary for most. In fact, they’re quite normal. The feelings that you have in those moments are not stopping you from leading the life you want to live. The problem comes when you don’t know how to take those thoughts and feelings with you and they interfere and become barriers to the life we want to lead.
Anxiety Makes You Weak
All human beings have suffering. Without suffering, there is no compassion. It’s built into us. It’s part of who we are.
I know that it can be hard to understand and believe at times. Hell, I view myself as broken, faulted and as if I have a personality defect. You might be laughing, but it’s been pounded into my head by everyone around me that there is something wrong with me. It’s the great illusion fueled by your own mind on what “perfect” must look like. The other thing that will always be an issue is the idea that we must compare ourselves to others. This happens to me when I see people out and about, doing happy things and living so-called happy lives. I become envious of what they must have that they appear to be so happy. It makes me feel as though I’m missing something that they must have.
These things don’t make me weak, though. They simply make me human.
To Live Happy, You Have To Be Happy
“In order to live better, I must first think and feel better. And once I start thinking and feeling better, my life will improve for the better.” Heed the warning, this is nothing more than a trap!
This has been a trap that has caught me so many times that it’s not funny anymore. Not that it was even laughable to begin with. But, it’s common. And in lame man’s terms, it’s says that your pain is so “bad” that you shouldn’t think about it or deal with it…it should be pushed down and avoided. Do you know how exhausting it is to push down this enormous amount of pain and to hold it down, just to look like you are happy? I found that it’s a temporary relief from what I might have been feeling, but that band aid isn’t going to hold!
The idea that you can rid yourself of pain may also leave you using objects or people as a crutch. I’m like this with certain people. They are my “safe people”. Meaning, as long as they are around, I might feel a little more at ease and a bit more relaxed. But, at the same time, I’m waiting for the ball to drop!
I will say this – it may all feel good in the moment, to feel as though you have managed or avoided your anxiety, but that’s a short-term feeling. And if you look further at it, you’ll find out that there are boundaries that come with it, limiting you as to what you can do. First hand, I’ve spent so much time trying to manage and control my anxiety, that it’s taken away from the things that I care about in my life. In turn, causing me more anxiety and at times even shutting me completely down.
The Hard Truth
The hard truth is that I’m not going to find a cure for my anxiety in a pill, person, place or thing. My mind is going to try to tell me otherwise, I know. And those times are going to be difficult to deal with – but, hey this is what I signed up for by taking the path to self-discovery. Experience tells me that these temporary fixes are just that…temporary.
The myths are all very limiting and set boundaries on what my happy life could be. They become obstacles in my path of finding that happiness that I so long for; a barrier between me and the life I want to live.
I have let worry, anxiety and depression rule my life for far too long. I am more than a PTSD diagnosis and so is my life. It’s time I let go of the lies I’ve always known and come to believe that there is a way I can carry the “pain” with me, while living the life I’ve always wanted to live.
If you’re going on this journey with me, maybe we can figure all of this out together…
bemindful.health.blog 