inner strength

I wanted to take a moment to talk about self-esteem because I have virtually none and I really need to reinforce this lesson, for myself. And if it helps you, too, that would be terrific!

“Do not fall into the trap of believing that you are back to square one, most people have bad days – it’s called being human.”

Go ahead and think that one over. I know I have to, several times. In essence, it simply means that the bad days will come and maybe you even become temporarily derailed from your track of progress. But you shouldn’t lose track of your personal growth goal when they do come – and they WILL come (you’ve heard me say this many times – it’s difficult for me to swallow at times). Just remember don’t beat yourself up over it. And when you can calm yourself and get your thoughts together to make a rational decision, pick up where you left off…even take a step backwards and look at how you can move forward from that point, if you have to. It can be done! I promise you.

Also remember this: “When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen”. Your story is your own, you can begin a new chapter for yourself any time you so choose to do so. Just make sure that you are the one making the decisions and directing your life path. Don’t let anyone else have so much control over you and your life that they are essentially writing your story. No! This is YOUR story…YOU make it happen. Hold that pen tightly and don’t let go of it.

If someone is a constant source of negativity, no matter how much you love them or care for them, let them go. It’s something you have to decide to do. But, what are they contributing to you from the relationship other than sadness, self-doubt, hurt feelings and possibly a lower self-image. I’ve been there, mostly in my past. If they are only memories that hold you back, choose to forgive or forget. Make the choice to not let that memory control who you want to be today. It’s a toughy. But if you’re ready, you’ll know that it’s an easy choice to make.

Here are a few tips for building Self-Esteem:

Do not set yourself up for relapse.
Do not put too much on your plate, too soon. That’s pretty much a set up.
Put yourself into situations where the probability of success is higher.

They sound easy enough, right? I believe that you and I can achieve them easily once our minds are clearly made up with the conscious decision to think and feel better in our own skin.

Some strategies for Building Self-Esteem

Crises of self-esteem are a part of the “human experience”. When you feel troubled by low self-esteem, review the suggestions below and choose those that are relevant to YOUR personal situation and work on them. Be patient with yourself, okay? Change takes time and hard, consistent work.

Free yourself from “should haves”. Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think/feel you “SHOULD DO”. “Should haves” distract us from identifying and fulfilling our own needs, abilities, interests, and personal goals. This leaves us with unmet needs. And no one wants to deal with those. Find out what you want and what you are good at. Value those and take actions designed to fulfill your positive potential.
Respect your own needs. Recognize and take care of your own needs and wants first! Identify what really fulfills you –not just immediate gratifications. Respecting your deeper needs will increase your sense of worth and well-being.
Set achievable goals. Establish goals on the basis of what you can realistically achieve, then work step-by-step to develop your potential. To strive always for perfectionism in your goals invites stress and failure. That is the opposite of what we want. An example of this is when you’re in school and you tell yourself that “anything but an A in school is always unacceptable.” Don’t do this to yourself. You’re better than that and we both know it.
Talk to yourself POSITIVELY. Stop listening to your anxiety or your “cruel inner critic”. When you notice that you are doubting or judging yourself, replace such thoughts with self-accepting thoughts, balanced self-assessment and self-supportive directions.
This is the hardest one for me to do, honestly. My anxiety typically gets the best of me. But, after I step through the doorway of my fear, I find that things aren’t nearly as bad as I expected them to be. I listened to the devil on my shoulder, rather than my self-loving angel. Big mistake. I encourage you, don’t fall for what your anxiety is telling you. It will only bring you pain. And that’s what we’re trying to avoid here.
Test your reality. Separate your emotional reactions, such as fear and bad feelings, from the reality of your current situation. For example, you may feel stupid, anxious, or hopeless about a project or event. But if you think about it clearly, you may still have the ability and opportunity to accomplish something in it.
Experience success. Seek out and put yourself into situations in which the probability of success is high. Look for projects which stretch, but do not overwhelm, your abilities. Imagine yourself succeeding. Whatever you may accomplish, let yourself acknowledge and experience your success and good feelings about it. Bask in your progress and keep at it!
Take chances. New experiences are learning experiences which can build self-confidence. Expect to make mistakes as part of the process; don’t be disappointed if you don’t do it perfectly. Feel good about trying something new, making progress and increasing your competence. When you practice this one, remember “Practice Makes Perfect”. If you fall off of your bike, get right back on that baby and pedal away. Before long, you’ll be able to ride that bike with no hands! ha-ha.
Solve problems. Do not avoid problems, and do not moil about them. Face them, head on! Identify ways to solve them or to cope with them. If you run away from problems that you can and should solve, you threaten your self-confidence.
Make decisions. Practice making and implementing positive decisions flexibly, but firmly. Trust yourself to deal with the consequences. When you assert yourself, you enhance your sense of yourself, learn more, and increase your self-confidence. Just remember that YOU need to be in control of the decision making and that it should positively affect you in some way. These decisions can start out small and grow larger as you practice the skill. Remember the quote about holding the pen to the story of your life. That will come in useful here.
Develop your skills. Know what you can and can not do. Assess the skills you need; learn and practice those. For example, if you want to start painting pictures or taking photographs. You will need to identify the steps in doing either of those. Then you pick up the brush and/or the camera and you start practicing. Maybe you ask someone to model for you to begin your portfolio. Maybe your first painting is something that you needed to copy in your own style. Either way…..the steps are there and you know your own limits.
Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can not. Accept current limitations and live comfortably within them. Even as you consider what your actual strengths are, what you might want or need to develop next. There are only limits that you set on yourself that are in your way. You can learn to push the boundaries, without overdoing it. Just focus on what you’re good at and what you know you’re capable of and the rest will fall into place.
Rely on your own opinion of yourself. Entertain feedback from others, but do not rely on their opinions. Remember that opinions are NOT facts; therefore, they may be made up or fictional. When you rely on someone’s opinion, it may actually be self-defeating. So, don’t do that! Instead, depend on your own values in making decisions and deciding how you feel about yourself and what is right for you to do. This is your life — do what you want and be happy with it. Be prepared to face the consequences either way. Because following your heart, values and own decisions leaves only you accountable. So, make them count!

Always remember to debate and replace your negative thoughts. You can not let people steal your joy. If it’s something that you want to work with and move forward with, don’t give others the power to take that away from you.

I say that, but I am one of the most guilty when it comes to letting others opinions, along with listening to my own thoughts and what my own fears and anxiety tell me. I let those things hurt me, drag me down and just make myself so much more fearful than anyone should be. That’s why I’m sharing these things with you now. We’re stronger than we know. And it’s time to let go of all of the negativity. If we can make decisions that we feel good about and that make us happy–then our own consequences are the only things we have left to worry about. If someone else doesn’t like it. They don’t have to. As long as what we’re doing makes us happy, screw them. Their opinions are not factual and mean nothing in our lives unless we give them the power to. Shut that power down.

The Doctor changed my medications on me recently. So, now I’m taking a three-drug-cocktail. The goal now is to try and get my daily anxiety under control and so that I’m not having panic attacks day in and day out, sometimes multiple times per day. The downfall is that it comes with it’s own set of side effects. In this case, I’m feeling a little bit more tired than normal at this time. However, when weighing some sleepiness in comparison to the choking feeling that I experience from anxiety – I’ll take the sleepy feeling over it any day! So, things are looking up in the way of my medications.

Now that we covered that, are you ready to get your hands dirty? I am. It’s time for me to reinforce my desire to build my inner strength. After everything that I’ve been through and after all that I’ve felt lately, this is an area that I feel took a large hit. I feel as though the pillars are cracking and that the structure isn’t very stable in itself. So, I’m going to lay the footwork and foundation to rebuild this tired old house, if you catch my drift.

My strength has held me up through the toughest of times, but it’s time to renew that inner strength. I know it’s time because after all of this, it feels as though I’ve been depleted of any strong thing in my body. I’ve been to the point of cracking and falling down…now, it’s time to pick of the pieces and form that new foundation that I was talking about before I got off track.

How am I going to do this, you might ask. I’m going to look at different areas in my life, I’m going to discipline myself and then I’m going to take the baby steps necessary to get myself back to where I need to be.

Here are some of the ideas:

Improving My Focus-Sometimes we can’t get moving forward because of the lack of focus and determination we have. Learning to pick one area to concentrate on is sometimes all it takes to get ourselves moving forward.
Positive Risk Taking – This does not mean go jump off of a building. One can often build inner strength by learning to do things outside of the box or comfort zone. You can try new things and challenge yourself in order to create the drive you need to get moving.
Drawing Strength From Others – It’s just like it sounds! Teaming up with someone else or gaining their support often can be the boost you need in order to get things moving. Think about where to find someone who can help and don’t be afraid to bounce ideas off of them.
Learning to Say No-This is my biggest weak area and one that I desperately need to improve in. Could part of the problem be that assertiveness or refusal skills are needed? Yes, it could! Starting to say “no” more often can be such a difference maker when saying “no” has always been my area of weakness. It may also build your confidence and give you a feeling of empowerment. As though, you’re taking back your life!
Self-Discipline and Structure-Remember that I’ve made the decision that I want and need change in my life. In order to create self-discipline, you should really want what you’re going after. Coming up with a good plan and then sticking to it can be exactly what I need.
Spirituality-This is another area I’m somewhat weak in, as I’ve lost Faith in pretty much everything. But, who knows. I might find something somewhere, even if it’s simple meaning in my own actions. People who don’t have Faith, may not be bothered with this. But, if you do have it…you may draw strength from your spiritual beliefs.
Increased Urgency-Oh yes! My changes need to come and they need to come like yesterday! Quite often people are at their best when their backs are against the wall. Stop putting it off! There is no reason to wait for tomorrow when you can make the decision to do something right now.
Dropping the Dead Weight-Buh Bye, as I like to say. If someone or something is holding you back, maybe you need to consider what’s in your best interest. If it’s dragging you backwards or slowing your progress down, it may be time to leave it behind so that you can make some real progress. Personally, I love dropping dead weight. It consumes way too much time and energy to try and maintain something that is so useless.
Using What You’re Good At-Think about where your strengths are. Is there something in particular that you’re good at? This is where I try to look at my past and present to examine life as a whole. Was there a time where I demonstrated ability. Yep. I’ve made it through every worst day of my life…and I’ll make it through this one, as well. Draw from your own experiences in helping push you when you need it most.
Taking Baby Steps-You will hear me reiterate this many times in my blogging, I’m sure. About taking baby steps. I will fall fifty times before I make it one step. But, that’s okay, as long as I keep moving forward. If bigger changes are overwhelming to you, like they are to me-consider what small steps you can take in order to reach the larger goal.

As I stated above, for me it’s going to take baby steps to make the BIG change in my life that I need to make. Because I have such a loss of happiness and purpose, I’m going to have to work hard in all of these categories. That comes with a price, too. It’s overwhelming…and that’s where the baby steps come in. I’m simply going to put one foot in front of the other and develop a routine and plan that will get me moving towards a happier me. Once I have that plan in place, it would be wise of me to bounce my idea off of a peer in order to see things from a new and unbiased perspective. This way, I can also be held accountable for what I said I was going to do and I can be told if my ideas are too far fetched.

If you’re struggling like I am, remember that the change starts with a solid decision. That means, without question it is something you want. And after that, it has to start with you.

Tag: inner strength

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