making changes

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

January 7, 2017January 6, 2017 Photography by JamieLeave a comment

During my two week stay at the Hospital, one of the group sessions was about making a change in your life. And let’s be honest…I could make some good changes to my mindset and life. So with my happiness as a goal, I was very attentive to the instructor and ready to fill out my Change Plan Worksheet Outline.

If you want to follow along with me, here is a copy of the Change Plan Worksheet. You can print this out or review it to decide what kind of changes may fit your personal goals and growth towards a happier you.

Here, is where I’m going to go step-by-step through my own. This will not only give you an example, but will also show you that even small changes can make a big difference. And the more small changes that you make, the bigger the change is to the larger picture. I hope you understand where I’m coming from. If not, feel free to leave me questions in the comments section below.

The changes I want to make are: to set up personal boundaries for myself and to not be so hard on myself or take on the worries of the world.
- List specific areas or ways in which you want to change: I need to say “NO” more often and realize that it’s not selfish to take care of myself; not faulting myself.
- Include positive goals (beginning, increasing, improving behaviors): increasing my personal levels of happiness and positivity. Increasing the number of thoughts that I “challenge”.
The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are: to be a happier & healthier version of myself. Because my life depends on it.
- What are some likely consequences of action and inaction: I could end up with a different outlook on life and a more positive mindset. The other consequence could be a life full of unhappiness and anger; leading to the possibilities of suicide.
- Which motivations for change seem most important to you? My ultimate happiness and quality of life need to be improved.
The steps I plan to take in changes are: to take baby steps and to worry less about what people think of what my choices are or what I’m doing.
- How do you plan to achieve the goals? By first achieving smaller goals that will accumulate to change the bigger picture in my life.
- Within the general plan, what are some specific first steps you might take? Setting healthy and clear boundaries for myself; begin cultivating the life that I want to lead and making the changes that I think are in my best interest.
- When, where and how will these steps be taken? They will begin with today, it will take a lot of emotional and mental energy. So, I plan to take them on one by one…individually, so that I do not add to my anxiety and/or become overwhelmed.
The ways other people can help me are: Others can hold me accountable for the goals that I’ve made clear to them.
- List specific ways that others can help support you in your change attempt: Supporting my decisions and doing what they can to ensure that I follow through with my goals.
- How will you go about eliciting others’ support? I plan on stating my goals clearly to a hand full of people. Then, it will be important for me to acknowledge issues as they arise and getting their help with challenging the unhelpful thought or in eliminating my discouragement.
I will know that my plan is working if: I am meeting my short-term, smaller goals to achieve progress towards a larger outcome.
- What do you hope will happen as a result of the change? I hope that I can find hope, peace, personal happiness and the light that I know can shine out of me.
- What benefits can you expect form the change? A more consistent and positive mindset. Hopefully to feel more at ease within my own skin, more confident, and less worrisome with whatever anyone else thinks or with burdens that are not my own to carry.
Some things that could interfere with my plans are: Relapse, not following through, people in general with their negative thoughts and attitudes that will only bring me down.
- Anticipate situations or changes that could undermine the plan: There are situations where someone may disagree with what I say I need for myself. There are people who may question whether or not I am competent. There will always be someone that is just sitting on that back burner waiting for me to fail – and they would absolutely love it.
  - What could go wrong? I could not achieve goals that I have set for myself or an event or person could interfere with my progress, only holding me back.
  - How might you stick with the plan despite the changes and/or setbacks? I will challenge myself by attempting to change my own perspective. I will be more flexible and if I cannot achieve one goal, I will substitute it by completing another. I will realize that other people are not living my life and that there are always ways to go around or over each obstacle put in my path.

My personal goals may be humorous to you. But, they are mine. You get to decide what kind of goals to make for yourself and ONLY yourself. You cannot depend on anyone else to make the desired changes to your life for you. That’s unreasonable and impossible. And you can’t do nothing and expect things to end up differently. This is a decision that you have to make for yourself. And that you will have to follow through with, for yourself. You can ask for help from others, by asking to be held accountable for your desired changes. But, after that….it’s all up to you. By being held accountable, it’s asking for support – but that person isn’t going to force you to make the change that you already said you wanted. And when you get discouraged, keep looking at the horizon. It’s in front of you, not behind you. Don’t be afraid of making smaller goals or changes. Because after completing a couple of those, you’ll be headed in the right direction!

I wish you luck and am sending my support. You now know a portion of the goals I’ve set out to achieve through intensive group therapy. I plan to continue sharing….

Here are two more handouts that you may find helpful in this process. I encourage you to at least read them over and think about them for a while:

Part 1 – Challenging My Unhelpful Idea

Part 2- Recognizing Discouragement, Out-thinking Discouragement, Seeking Out Encouragement, & Courage/Inner Strength Building Plan

Decluttering My Life

January 6, 2017 Photography by JamieLeave a comment

I have been a little absent from my blog as of late, I apologize. I’ve been wanting to write more – and I will. But, I’ve been working on me a little bit more and that means some things have been sacrificed in the process.

I talked about something called “cultivating your environment” in a different blog entry. Well, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. The first day, I took everything out of the office closet and designated it into three groups: it has a purpose & keep it, donate it, or trash it. I did this by asking myself if whatever I had in my hand actually contributed anything to my life and if it had a purpose for later. If I could answer “no” to either question, it was gone. I didn’t second guess myself and I had made the decision on the spot. I can see my closet now! And…even better than that…it’s really organized and everything is in it’s own place. Holy cow. It.is.possible. Who knew?!

And if you know anything about me from prior posts, it’s that I am one of the most indecisive people in the world. I can’t make decisions to save my life. But, the fact that I could choose what to do with an item based on a couple of simple questions I asked myself, that feeling is something else! It gave me a sense of accomplishment, like I’m moving in the right direction. It also gave me confidence to do the things I had been afraid to do for so long. In the end, and most importantly, it gave me a sense of happiness.

The next day, I took a corner of the office, itself, one at a time and threw away anything that didn’t belong. I did the exact same thing I did with the closet. Asked myself the questions and followed through accordingly. I even started a change jar! All of the change I find or have in my pockets, etc will go into this sole jar. And either when it’s full or at a certain time of the year (I haven’t decided THAT much yet!), it will be brought to the bank and cashed in for a few extra dollars. It doesn’t seem like I could possibly go wrong with that!

On the third day, I tackled the bathroom and the linen closet. This might not sound like much to you, but trust me – there was so much junk in both. Three trash bags later and I was done. I created so much more space! I even folded all of the towels differently to create more space for them in the linen closet, instead of just kind of stuffing them in there. I threw away a ton of dog items that were expired. The list just goes on and on. But, I feel really good after just a few days of decluttering so far.

This feels like real progress. And Im not feeling overwhelmed or anxious when I go into these rooms now. That’s the best part.

My home hasn’t felt like “home” to me in quite some time. And the clutter has been looming over me for years. It’s so nice to take a breath and just be comfortable where I am instead of isolating myself to the bedroom or something silly like that. I can live here again and be okay. At least that’s what I think will happen by the time that I’m done.

I did some research on essential oils, also. And found that lavender oil is good for creating a relaxing, calming environment. I found a wax melter, too, at a local thrift store. So, when I am done decluttering, the plan is to spread my diffusers and the wax melter to the major parts of my home in hopes of cultivating even more of that relaxing environment that I desperately need.

I walked into the Shelter today for the first time since hospitalization. Man, was I nervous. But they were so warm and welcoming to me. I almost cried at one point because I truly loved my job at the time that I was hitting rock bottom. But, for me – I need to take my time in jumping back into anything. Causing myself any extra stress, anxiety or discomfot would not be helping myself to heal. It would be hurting the goals that I’ve set for myself to complete in my own time; however much time that may take. I can’t force myself to take on more than I think I can handle right now. It hurts to think anyone there may not understand or to think that they may hate me for leaving. But, those could just be thoughts in my head that I need to challenge and deem them as unwanted. I don’t know.

Right now, though, it’s just back to the basics for me. Sleep is not coming easily either. Which makes things just a little more difficult. It takes me forever to fall asleep. And once I do, I’m awake every three hours or so. I’m so frustrated with it. Which means, I’ll end up having another uncomfortable talk with my Doctor next week. Whatever, it’s for the best, I guess.

So, in addition to decluttering my house, I’ve also initiated the process of decluttering my life. If there are any negative people in my life, that drag me down on a regular basis, I realize now that they need to go – no matter how much they mean to me. I can’t sacrifice myself for them anymore. I might even try to talk to them and help them to understand what they do to me. It boils down to if they can’t find a way to be a more positive and helpful influence and/or be encouraging in my life; they need to go. Easier said than done. But, that’s the decision I’ve made. And it’s a good one.

All in all, this journey is a difficult one. But, I’m putting one foot in front of the other and even if I’m only moving a few inches at a time…at least I’m moving. And I’m moving forward instead of backwards.

One more thing, before I forget. Along with the change jar and the decluttering, I’ve started a “positive thoughts jar”. This allows you to sit down when you’re having an up day and jot down a few random positive thoughts or feelings. You can do this every day or just on any day you feel positive. And then when those down days come, because you KNOW that they will, you can open your jar and read your own positive thoughts to remind you that not every day is a bad day. We often forget about the good days when our downward spiral begins. I’m guilty of it for sure. So don’t forget to also declutter yourself of those unwanted, unhelpful and soul eating negative thoughts/feelings.

Thank you for listening to my ranting. Or rather, reading it. Keep your heads held high and know that you are in the driving seat. You’re the one holding the pen when writing your story, not someone else. So, make it a damned good one. I believe that you can. I know that you can. If anything, witness the beginnings of my transformation and revamp. I’m living proof that things can change.

Building Inner Strength

December 29, 2016December 28, 2016 Photography by JamieLeave a comment

The Doctor changed my medications on me recently. So, now I’m taking a three-drug-cocktail. The goal now is to try and get my daily anxiety under control and so that I’m not having panic attacks day in and day out, sometimes multiple times per day. The downfall is that it comes with it’s own set of side effects. In this case, I’m feeling a little bit more tired than normal at this time. However, when weighing some sleepiness in comparison to the choking feeling that I experience from anxiety – I’ll take the sleepy feeling over it any day! So, things are looking up in the way of my medications.

Now that we covered that, are you ready to get your hands dirty? I am. It’s time for me to reinforce my desire to build my inner strength. After everything that I’ve been through and after all that I’ve felt lately, this is an area that I feel took a large hit. I feel as though the pillars are cracking and that the structure isn’t very stable in itself. So, I’m going to lay the footwork and foundation to rebuild this tired old house, if you catch my drift.

My strength has held me up through the toughest of times, but it’s time to renew that inner strength. I know it’s time because after all of this, it feels as though I’ve been depleted of any strong thing in my body. I’ve been to the point of cracking and falling down…now, it’s time to pick of the pieces and form that new foundation that I was talking about before I got off track.

How am I going to do this, you might ask. I’m going to look at different areas in my life, I’m going to discipline myself and then I’m going to take the baby steps necessary to get myself back to where I need to be.

Here are some of the ideas:

Improving My Focus-Sometimes we can’t get moving forward because of the lack of focus and determination we have. Learning to pick one area to concentrate on is sometimes all it takes to get ourselves moving forward.
Positive Risk Taking – This does not mean go jump off of a building. One can often build inner strength by learning to do things outside of the box or comfort zone. You can try new things and challenge yourself in order to create the drive you need to get moving.
Drawing Strength From Others – It’s just like it sounds! Teaming up with someone else or gaining their support often can be the boost you need in order to get things moving. Think about where to find someone who can help and don’t be afraid to bounce ideas off of them.
Learning to Say No-This is my biggest weak area and one that I desperately need to improve in. Could part of the problem be that assertiveness or refusal skills are needed? Yes, it could! Starting to say “no” more often can be such a difference maker when saying “no” has always been my area of weakness. It may also build your confidence and give you a feeling of empowerment. As though, you’re taking back your life!
Self-Discipline and Structure-Remember that I’ve made the decision that I want and need change in my life. In order to create self-discipline, you should really want what you’re going after. Coming up with a good plan and then sticking to it can be exactly what I need.
Spirituality-This is another area I’m somewhat weak in, as I’ve lost Faith in pretty much everything. But, who knows. I might find something somewhere, even if it’s simple meaning in my own actions. People who don’t have Faith, may not be bothered with this. But, if you do have it…you may draw strength from your spiritual beliefs.
Increased Urgency-Oh yes! My changes need to come and they need to come like yesterday! Quite often people are at their best when their backs are against the wall. Stop putting it off! There is no reason to wait for tomorrow when you can make the decision to do something right now.
Dropping the Dead Weight-Buh Bye, as I like to say. If someone or something is holding you back, maybe you need to consider what’s in your best interest. If it’s dragging you backwards or slowing your progress down, it may be time to leave it behind so that you can make some real progress. Personally, I love dropping dead weight. It consumes way too much time and energy to try and maintain something that is so useless.
Using What You’re Good At-Think about where your strengths are. Is there something in particular that you’re good at? This is where I try to look at my past and present to examine life as a whole. Was there a time where I demonstrated ability. Yep. I’ve made it through every worst day of my life…and I’ll make it through this one, as well. Draw from your own experiences in helping push you when you need it most.
Taking Baby Steps-You will hear me reiterate this many times in my blogging, I’m sure. About taking baby steps. I will fall fifty times before I make it one step. But, that’s okay, as long as I keep moving forward. If bigger changes are overwhelming to you, like they are to me-consider what small steps you can take in order to reach the larger goal.

As I stated above, for me it’s going to take baby steps to make the BIG change in my life that I need to make. Because I have such a loss of happiness and purpose, I’m going to have to work hard in all of these categories. That comes with a price, too. It’s overwhelming…and that’s where the baby steps come in. I’m simply going to put one foot in front of the other and develop a routine and plan that will get me moving towards a happier me. Once I have that plan in place, it would be wise of me to bounce my idea off of a peer in order to see things from a new and unbiased perspective. This way, I can also be held accountable for what I said I was going to do and I can be told if my ideas are too far fetched.

If you’re struggling like I am, remember that the change starts with a solid decision. That means, without question it is something you want. And after that, it has to start with you.