The featured image says it all, does it not? And the title of the blog probably takes it one step further.
You know my story if you have been following my blog at all. You know my situation and the roads I’ve been down. And that I’m now on the path to a happy and healthy recovery…
Yesterday, I had to do it. I had to tell my family how I felt about their lack of support and I was very brutal and honest about it. In fact, I’m sure it probably hurt them or angered them a bit. I wouldn’t know — as I have not heard back from them as of tonight. I do know that my one sister finds some humor in it, with snide remarks and emojis in reaction to facebook posts. LOL — facebook. I hate that shit. If it wasn’t for my photography and other crafting site, I wouldn’t even be on it most likely. There is no point, just everyone poking their noses into everyone else’s business, making false assumptions and accusations over shit that they know nothing about. It makes me laugh if I post a quote or something and someone thinks it’s about them. Typically, it has something to do with me and my self-growth. But still, they make it about them.
My other sister hasn’t said anything. She was so gung-ho about calling the police from across the Country to have them put me into the hospital where I couldn’t hurt myself. She was so on board with having them pick me up from work or home and have them carry me off “to safety.” Then, all was good for the moment and nothing came of it. But, then I hit a really, really rough patch and went to rock bottom. I went in for the mental evaluation and I ADMITTED MYSELF into the facility. What happened to her enthusiasm to help me? What happened to making sure I was okay? Did she think it was some kind of joke? That I wasn’t really capable of doing anything to physically injure myself or destroy myself mentally and emotionally? I was. Was I ever. But, when I was there…you guessed it, no word from her. Still no word to this day.
I texted my Mother for the first three days I was there, because I thought that she cared about what I was going through. I thought she would find some comfort in seeing the building I was being treated at and in my telling her what I was doing during the days and how I was feeling. She wasn’t to be heard from either.
It was like I didn’t exist and that this never happened in their eyes.
Anyways, back to the subject at hand. I told them how I felt they were not supportive of me during my biggest time of need. And how I felt I’ve always supported them in theirs and that I’ve never asked for anything or wanted anything from any of them. But, when this hospitalization came into play, I needed all of the support I could get. I still do. And as I told them, I’ve had a support system of ONE.
Luckily, I now have a couple of Support Groups to attend and other things that make me happy that I’m playing around with. I feel good.
So, I felt it was time to confront them about how I had been feeling. And this was a heavy and long message. I didn’t hold back and it was straight from my heart and soul. And even though I knew there may have been consequences to the message, I felt so good after I sent it. Because I was tying up just one more loose end. I asked for closure and either way this goes, it’s closure for me. I was ready for a war, some nasty comments, some hurt feelings….and I’m still ready. I can deal with this now because I came out the other end stronger and with my head up high. Now I’m in control of how I’m made to feel. Not that I don’t still have my big ass heart; because I do. But, I have to cut off the pain and weight of worry and negativity.
It’s incredible. The feeling that you’ve done something for purely yourself for the first time in your life.
I love my family dearly with my whole heart. But, they weren’t there when I needed them. They couldn’t be bothered for not even a five minute text message during my two week hospital stay. A TEXT?! Like you could literally send it any time of the day or night just to ask how someone is doing…it makes no sense to me. But, that’s my perspective and my feelings. Theirs could be totally different.
I don’t know. I’m ready for whatever comes my way though. I do know that. I’m kicking this year’s ass so far; barging through every door that opens for me…..and so many have opened. I’m feeling great, my positivity is up and instead of spinning my tires in the mud, I’m making some real progress.
It doesn’t matter if anyone else is proud of me. I’m proud of me. And I’m going to be okay. I’m on the road to recovery, there are going to be bumps and curves. But, I got this.
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