Facts are not Feelings.
ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance: “It is not the event, but rather our interpretation of it, that causes our emotional reaction.”
A-the trigger or stressor (ie a break up)
B-the belief and/or self-talk (ie mind-reading or catastrophizing)
C-the Emotional Consequence (ie depression)
D-the Debate of Crazy Thinking (ie talk with self or others to challenge one’s self)
E-the Emotional Effect (ie rational thoughts were met and a finalized feeling)
I have had a lot of success with identifying my trigger and then asking myself rationally, “what can I do to elimate such and such?” It’s reduced my anxiety and stress tremendously. So, I urge you to take the ABC Theory and apply it to your life as much as possible.
Here, I will give an example of the ABC Theory in action:
A-Activating Event- Your girl friend breaks the news that she is going out with another guy, and therefore wishes to break up your relationship.
B-Beliefs/Self Talk-You begin to think things such as “I really must be a worthless person”, “I will never find a great woman like her”, She doesn’t want me; therefore no one could possibly want me” and/or “this is so awful! Everything happens to me!”, “I can’t stand the world being so unfair.”
C-Emotional Consequences-You begin to fall into depression and/or Isolate yourself.
D-Debate of Crazy Thinking-“Where is the proof that because this girl wishes to end our relationship that I am a worthless person? Or that I’ll never have a good relationship with someone else? Or that I couldn’t possibly be happy alone?” and/or “Why is it awful that I am not getting what I want?”, “Why shouldn’t the world be full of injustices?”
E-Emotional Effect-Sadness (“Well, we did have a nice time and I’m sorry it didn’t work out–but we did have some problems and now I can find a new friend.” or Annoyance (“It’s annoying that she was seeing someone else but it isn’t awful or intolerable.”)
I think you have a better picture of where this is going now. Follow the rB (Rational Belief) path and things will go so much better for you. But, if you can not do it right away, you can go in circles with yourself until you become more rational in your way of thinking. This is just one more thing that takes plenty of practice.
I get stuck in negativity a lot. Lately, I’ve had to talk myself out of it and I’m finding it easier and easier to do each time. Especially since I’ve identified a few things that trigger me. I can avoid or deal with those things proactively and begin my self-improvement process.
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