Tag: Worksheets

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

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During my two week stay at the Hospital, one of the group sessions was about making a change in your life.  And let’s be honest…I could make some good changes to my mindset and life.  So with my happiness as a goal, I was very attentive to the instructor and ready to fill out my Change Plan Worksheet Outline.

If you want to follow along with me, here is a copy of the Change Plan Worksheet.  You can print this out or review it to decide what kind of changes may fit your personal goals and growth towards a happier you.

Here, is where I’m going to go step-by-step through my own.  This will not only give you an example, but will also show you that even small changes can make a big difference.  And the more small changes that you make, the bigger the change is to the larger picture.  I hope you understand where I’m coming from.  If not, feel free to leave me questions in the comments section below.

  • The changes I want to make are:  to set up personal boundaries for myself and to not be so hard on myself or take on the worries of the world.
    • List specific areas or ways in which you want to change: I need to say “NO” more often and realize that it’s not selfish to take care of myself; not faulting myself.
    • Include positive goals (beginning, increasing, improving behaviors): increasing my personal levels of happiness and positivity.  Increasing the number of thoughts that I “challenge”.
  • The most important reasons why I want to make these changes are: to be a happier & healthier version of myself.  Because my life depends on it.
    • What are some likely consequences of action and inaction: I could end up with a different outlook on life and a more positive mindset.  The other consequence could be a life full of unhappiness and anger; leading to the possibilities of suicide.
    • Which motivations for change seem most important to you?  My ultimate happiness and quality of life need to be improved.
  • The steps I plan to take in changes are:  to take baby steps and to worry less about what people think of what my choices are or what I’m doing.
    • How do you plan to achieve the goals?  By first achieving smaller goals that will accumulate to change the bigger picture in my life.
    • Within the general plan, what are some specific first steps you might take?  Setting healthy and clear boundaries for myself; begin cultivating the life that I want to lead and making the changes that I think are in my best interest.
    • When, where and how will these steps be taken?  They will begin with today, it will take a lot of emotional and mental energy.  So, I plan to take them on one by one…individually, so that I do not add to my anxiety and/or become overwhelmed.
  • The ways other people can help me are:  Others can hold me accountable for the goals that I’ve made clear to them.
    • List specific ways that others can help support you in your change attempt: Supporting my decisions and doing what they can to ensure that I follow through with my goals.
    • How will you go about eliciting others’ support?  I plan on stating my goals clearly to a hand full of people.  Then, it will be important for me to acknowledge issues as they arise and getting their help with challenging the unhelpful thought or in eliminating my discouragement.
  • I will know that my plan is working if:  I am meeting my short-term, smaller goals to achieve progress towards a larger outcome.
    • What do you hope will happen as a result of the change?  I hope that I can find hope, peace, personal happiness and the light that I know can shine out of me.
    • What benefits can you expect form the change?  A more consistent and positive mindset.  Hopefully to feel more at ease within my own skin, more confident, and less worrisome with whatever anyone else thinks or with burdens that are not my own to carry.
  • Some things that could interfere with my plans are:  Relapse, not following through, people in general with their negative thoughts and attitudes that will only bring me down.
    • Anticipate situations or changes that could undermine the plan:  There are situations where someone may disagree with what I say I need for myself.  There are people who may question whether or not I am competent.  There will always be someone that is just sitting on that back burner waiting for me to fail – and they would absolutely love it.
      • What could go wrong?  I could not achieve goals that I have set for myself or an event or person could interfere with my progress, only holding me back.
      • How might you stick with the plan despite the changes and/or setbacks?  I will challenge myself by attempting to change my own perspective.  I will be more flexible and if I cannot achieve one goal, I will substitute it by completing another.  I will realize that other people are not living my life and that there are always ways to go around or over each obstacle put in my path.

My personal goals may be humorous to you.  But, they are mine.  You get to decide what kind of goals to make for yourself and ONLY yourself.  You cannot depend on anyone else to make the desired changes to your life for you.  That’s unreasonable and impossible.  And you can’t do nothing and expect things to end up differently.  This is a decision that you have to make for yourself.  And that you will have to follow through with, for yourself.  You can ask for help from others, by asking to be held accountable for your desired changes.  But, after that….it’s all up to you.  By being held accountable, it’s asking for support – but that person isn’t going to force you to make the change that you already said you wanted.  And when you get discouraged, keep looking at the horizon.  It’s in front of you, not behind you.  Don’t be afraid of making smaller goals or changes.  Because after completing a couple of those, you’ll be headed in the right direction!

I wish you luck and am sending my support.  You now know a portion of the goals I’ve set out to achieve through intensive group therapy.  I plan to continue sharing….

Here are two more handouts that you may find helpful in this process.  I encourage you to at least read them over and think about them for a while:

Part 1 – Challenging My Unhelpful Idea

Part 2- Recognizing Discouragement, Out-thinking Discouragement, Seeking Out Encouragement, & Courage/Inner Strength Building Plan

Just Say “No”.

Photography by JamieLeave a comment

Let’s take a moment to talk about boundaries.  I don’t know about you, but this subject is definitely one of my weaker areas.  I often get manipulated and ran over because I don’t know how to set personal boundaries for myself.  It’s the sad truth.  People can and will take advantage of you, if you have no consistent boundaries placed.  This also allows for the wrong kinds of people to enter your life.

During this lesson, I had to take a hard look at myself.  Because I have a hard time saying “no” to people for one reason or another.  I also have zero self-esteem and that’s because I’ve let others define who I am for far too long.  I’ve made the decision, and I hope that you will make it with me, that now is the time to start putting my foot down.  Now is the time to change.  Because if I don’t make this change…it may end up costing me big in the end.

The main purpose for setting new boundaries is for protection.  And by protection, I mean of your time, space, emotions, values, energy and anything else that is important to you.  We have learned that others will try to punish us for having boundaries in place, which creates fear and holds us hostage to our emotions.  But, we shouldn’t be so concerned with someone else’s thoughts and feelings that we end up being controlled by them.

Learn your limits.  Set them in stone.  Don’t compromise yourself for the sake of anyone else.  I keep repeating this over and over to myself as I try to become a stronger person.  If I have time, I’ll get to it.  If I don’t have time, the world isn’t going to stop turning just because I wasn’t able to.  That’s how I have to look at things right now.

And rather than wasting your time and my energy.  If you’re interested in boundary setting-what it is and why it’s important-please view the two sheets I have linked below.  I strongly encourage that you look into it and to participate in the boundary setting exercises.  I have to learn to say “no”…and that saying “no” is just fine…

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If you think you have good boundaries in place, don’t worry…I did, also.  But, after further investigation I found that I’ve only been hurting myself in the long run.  I was inconsistent and a pushover.  Both are negatives in terms of boundaries.  I had set unhealthy limits.  If you skipped over the part above, where the worksheets were available to you, please don’t skip over this.  Below are signs that you have unhealthy boundaries in your life and that they need to be changed.
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Personally, I think I’ve fallen victim to at least one from each of the groups in the above photo.  It’s not that I did it on purpose, I didn’t even realize it until I was reading the list in group.  If you find that you fit into any of the above categories, please scroll back up and work on setting new boundaries for yourself.  You’re the only person that can do anything about it.

If you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to share them with me.  I’m always willing to hear what others have to say.  I’m also open to giving perspective and/or advice on the matter.  But, I will not make any decisions for you.  You have to be accountable for that.

I hope that you got something out of this, as I did.  Remember, you’re no good to anyone else if you don’t put you and your own needs first.

The Cycle of Depression

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I’ll start off today, by telling you that I’m not in the most positive of moods.  Holidays are always hard on me for some reason.  I’m not really sure how to pull myself out, but I’m hoping if I can put energy into something positive, I won’t be feeding my own negativity.  I painted earlier…now I’m going to try writing as an outlet.

In my recovery, I have many decisions to make when I’m ready to ‘go back into the world’.  I have a fear of what people will think of me and how they will judge me.  But, the nurse told me to remember “they can only tarnish your reputation, they can not touch your character”.  And that’s something that I thought I should share, for anyone going through some of the same things that I am.  It doesn’t make it any easier to face them, but it is nice to realize that there is that part of you that no one can touch.  She also told me to make decisions based on all of the information at hand.  And if later information was gained, then to make a new decision based upon the new information in addition to what I already knew.

But that’s all neither here nor there…getting back on track…
The Vicious Cycle

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Stressors/Triggers -> Physical ->Behaviors->Thoughts & Feelings

Stressors-this is anything that adds to stress/anxiety in your life.  They also may be referred to as “triggers”. (ie. medical issues, family issues, financial problems, etc)
Physical-the physical effects of the stressor (loss of sleep, lethargy, appetite change, etc)
Behavior-life changes in behavior (isolation, less active, loss of interest, etc)
Thoughts & Feelings-How everything begins to make you think and feel differently (hopelessness, loneliness, negativity, sadness, etc)

For me, I’m not exactly sure where my stressors actually came from, but I believe them to be an accumulation over time.  I am a ‘worrier’ by nature and am in a constant state of disarray.  I worry about money, if I’ll always be depressed, how I affect different people in my life and often hold on to the past.  This, with a long line of worries that stem from work and family matters escalated into physical issues.  It is very important to be able to identify your own triggers ahead of time, so that you know what to expect when presented with those scenarios.  Remember, avoidance is not always the answer.

My physical symptoms came to me in the form of not being able to sleep at night.  Some nights, I would just lay there, waiting for the alarm to go off to start the next day.  I also experienced a decrease in my energy level and often found myself not feeling well at all.  It’s crazy what your mind can do to you.  But, it was definitely taking it’s toll.

I guess somewhere between my physical and behavioral changes, I started medications…which now with the PHP program have changed AGAIN.  But, it really needs to be something that works for you.  And some medications do have side effects to keep in mind.  In this case, I am tired feeling a lot of the time…but I have to weigh the pros and cons.  And for me to have to maybe take a nap, is much better than the feeling of my throat closing and the panic attacks that I would experience on a daily basis.  Panic attacks are scary and you feel like you have no control over the sensations that your body goes through at that time.

When it comes to behavioral changes, I get a little cloudy.  I try to think about how my behaviors may have changed over time, but for me I think it was a gradual thing.  Because although I sought out help prior to entering the PHP program, the therapy and meds just weren’t really working…because I wasn’t doing my part.  I think that I isolated myself off from people (but, I never really had that many people around anyways).  I stopped communicating as much about how I was feeling and I lost interest in the activities that I used to very much enjoy.  Now that I think about it, I stopped crafting, I stopped talking, I stopped making any effort towards wellness.

That leads me to the next topic of Thoughts & Feelings.  I became very hopeless.  There was nothing in this world that could make me feel as though I could ever be better than I am/was.  I’m still struggling with this today, if you can’t tell.  When I entered the PHP program, I could sit in the middle of the room anywhere and be surrounded by people – but I would feel so alone and lonely.  Like I couldn’t relate to anyone.  Like it didn’t matter anyways, regardless if I had anything to contribute or not.  So, why bother?  You know?  And the negativity never ends with me.  I’m not good enough…I can’t do enough…I can’t pull myself out of this rut and I really do not want to get out of this bed.

This is my cycle.  And in group the other day, we started to learn how to break the cycle.  But, as you can tell from the above…I haven’t QUITE made it there yet.  I’m fighting it with my entire being.  But, I just can’t kick the bad habits over night.  And that’s okay.  It’s important that I be patient and easy on myself about it, because the changes WILL come.  They just won’t come quickly.  And that may vary for someone else…but, we don’t always move at the same speed.

So, maybe you’re wondering how people like me start to break the cycle….

Breaking the Cycle

There is no easy quick-fix for breaking the cycle of depression that I’ve found.  And if you have something that works for you, that’s great.  For me, it’s going to be a process.  But, I’m taking the baby steps that I need to in order to get there.

Below are some things that I am trying to practice and look at in my own recovery.  They may be helpful for you, too.  But, believe me when I say this is all going to take some serious commitment.

Establishing a Routine
Structure and Consistency are very important in recovery from depression.  You need to feel like you’re doing something and getting something done.  The completion or achievement gives you a self-confidence boost.  And by creating that structure in your life, you are also learning to make time for YOURSELF.  This means more relaxation and downtime can be worked into your daily routine.  The balance that this brings to your life is very important.

I could not agree more with the routine establishment.  I make sure that I have small goals that I want to achieve each day right now.  And accomplishing those goals is up to me.  If I complete them quickly, I have more time for myself and for relaxation.  If I choose to do them slowly, well then that’s on me.  But, I find a sense of purpose and meaning in accomplishing each task that I had designated to myself.  It’s just a little boost of self-esteem, no matter how small it may be -it’s still in the right direction.

Social Support

If you’re like me, you may not have many people that you open up to about certain things.  But, you probably at least have one person in your life that you don’t mind venting the small things to.  That’s what this is.  It’s important to be able to vent out small frustrations so that they don’t become larger, unhappier feelings.  The best thing about venting to others or talking things through with whomever you choose, is that person provides you with a new perspective on things.  So, where you might find darkness and frustration, that person may be able to shine a little light on it for you.  Often times, things aren’t as bad as we make them out to be.  But, it takes confirmation from another person for us to realize that we could be looking at the situation from a much different angle.

Like I said, I don’t have many people that I open up to.  But, even talking to someone online or a phone call to your one friend may make the difference you need in that moment.

Professional Support Network

This is where your therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, pastor or what have you come in to play.  These are people that provide you with professional support.  They are people that you count on for a professional opinion.  They have to be there for you when you need them…it’s their job after all.  And the best thing is that Confidentiality Agreement.  You know you can open up and tell this person anything..and there’s nothing that they can say or do about it.   Talk to them about your needs and concerns and do not be afraid to ask them for advice.

I have a psychiatrist and psychologist, personally.  While the psychologist helps me to meet my mental needs, such as venting and providing perspective; my psychiatrist provides me with physical support such as medications.  My psychiatrist is actually the person who got me into reading up on Mindfulness and Acceptance as a form of therapy.  I’ve really enjoyed it and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process.  My psychologist is the person I credit for helping me put it into practice.  She’s just terrific.

Expecting the Slip Ups and Down Days

This is important and you should say it with me…you need to expect down days, because down days are going to come.  I mean, there is no other way to look at it.  You can’t have good days without bad days, too.  It’s how we react to those bad days and what we do with them that matters and makes or breaks us at the time.  Do not believe on these days that you are back to “square one”.  You aren’t.

I’m guilty of being rather hard on myself when they roll around.  You already know that I had a habit of cutting myself and becoming violently angry with myself when they rolled around.  But, I’m working on remembering that I’ve survived every worst day of my life this far…and I’m going to continue to survive every worst day that comes my way.  It’s really important that I not be too hard on myself when I do slip up, because like a toddler learning to walk – I will have to fall fifty times before I can even take that first step.

Random Notes and Thoughts Today

“Let me let go of what I am, so that I can become what I may be.”
“Don’t insist on always being right.  Your way, is not the ONLY way.”
“You are a Student in Life-you are always learning.”

The 4 Main Areas of Life to Look at in Order to Stay Healthy

  1. Physical
  2. Mental
  3. Social
  4. Spiritual

The following tools are my own.  They are what I use to record and track my moods.  There are also tools that I use to ensure my own happiness and well-being.  The reason that I use the tools below are to track patterns that I can use to bring to my health professional when I meet with them, to determine our next course of action.

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Daylio